Put Down The Burdens And Needs Of Everyone Else—and FOCUS ON YOU.

I’m so over the merry-go-round of relationships and marriage conversations.

I’m hoping Black women and girls truly get to a point where we collectively see how harmful and paralyzing this obsession is. From the fantasies to the fairytale movies—sis, with love, let it go. Find a way to question and get to the root of what you desire. This life promises none of us anything, let alone a “forever partner.”

I dare to ask: are you not seeing how even the most successful women are facing the same exact things the average woman deals with when it comes to men?

Do you not see the parallels in both experiences? Beyoncé herself was cheated on. Now ask yourself—what makes you any different?

Women and girls have been placed at such a disadvantage—a dangerous disadvantage—in the dating game.
Let me take it further and use a basketball analogy.

Some women were coached before they ever stepped into the gym. Those with attentive parents—especially fathers—came in with knowledge and confidence, already understanding the plays and how the game works. But the majority? They never had that conditioning. They walked into the gym trying to figure it out on the fly. Meanwhile, the men? They’ve been training for this game since boyhood.

Even women with preconditioning are up against a flood of women who came in with nothing but fairytales and hope. And men are out here running the game, winning through strategy and manipulation—taking advantage of women who have no clue about male nature or what’s really being played.

You’ve got women still playing, being coached from the sidelines by girlfriends. Then there’s another group—who starts studying the game, hoping to improve their odds. Some of them return to the manuals and try again. Others? They liberate themselves entirely by walking away and choosing not to play. That was my play.

Through personal research, experience, and hard truth—I realized the game was never built for me. It's exhausting. And even if you play well, there’s still no guarantee you’ll win.

We’ve been the target—constantly hit from every angle. The music, the media, the male gaze—all keeping us obsessed with being with someone else instead of ourselves.

Ways to Start Doing the Work:

TURN OFF THE MUSIC.

This might sound like a reach, but try it for 30 days and watch what happens. The music keeps you in the fantasy. It feeds the delusion that you’re "different" or "special"—that somehow, you’ll choose better than the next woman. Sis... you won’t. The game is deeply rigged.

Yes, I believe there are a few good men who don’t subscribe to the games—but that still doesn’t mean you should stay in it hoping to find one. Ask yourself: how many women believe that same thing? What makes you any more "special" than they are?

You could be Beyoncé, and it still wouldn’t be enough.
Too many women are lost in the dream of a man and family, without ever questioning the true nature of men. It’s scary, but if you don’t break the spell, you’ll never see it.

Most of y’all are walking through a dark alley of predators with rose-colored glasses on.
Meanwhile, women like me—who already crushed our glasses—are yelling to warn you.
But only YOU can take the glasses off.

LET GO OF THE WHAT-IFS AND CENTER YOURSELF.

Let go of the dangling carrot that keeps you on dating apps, wasting time.
I’m not saying you can’t do anything—I’m saying do everything without thinking you need male energy beside you.

Many women can’t even reach their full potential because they’re chasing a man with “one eye open,” operating from desperation.

Ask yourself: who told you a man was guaranteed in this lifetime? No one.

Nothing is promised.

What if your path is about self-actualization? What if your purpose is greater than partnership? That’s why it’s so important we turn our minds back on and question everything.

Speaking for myself, the more I’ve walked my own journey of self-actualization, the more I’ve realized this:
Everything you need—and everything you’ve ever truly desired—is already within you.

There’s nothing outside of you that’s above you.

FIX THAT NEED FOR A MAN.

How?
Learn to ground yourself. Have the courage to face the truth about male nature.
Break the damn glasses.

Have the guts to hear the hard truths.
Study men the way you’d study for a job or a research project. Learn who they are, not what they say. Sit with the facts. Let the facts challenge your beliefs.

Why do so many women reject the truth?
Because they prioritize fantasy and hope over facts.
They choose the illusion over the data.
They want to feel “special” in a rigged game—where no one is exempt.

BUT I CAN HEAL WHILE HAVING A MAN TOO…

Many women say this. But I’ve noticed—there’s always a ceiling to the growth. The healing has limits because you’re still tied to a +1 or children. That’s not to say it’s impossible, but let’s be real—it’s slower.

And I’m not here to knock women with families. We’re all on our own unique journeys.
There’s no one way to the truth. 

EVERYONE DOESN’T NEED A MAN—AND THAT’S NOT A BAD THING.

This is the part many women don’t want to hear: A man is not for everyone.
And no, this isn’t about being a lesbian either.

Some of us are here on greater missions—and a man may never bring the fulfillment you think he will. Or not in the timeframe you seek. Some of us are more powerful standing fully in our womanness—alone or with other women. 

Let this land. Let this free you.
You don’t need to play a game that was never built for you.
The path back to yourself is the most revolutionary thing you could ever choose. Its the key. Nothing outside of you will fullfill you. The peace you seek, the happiness you desire - It all resides within you.

Xo

The Lie of the "King’s Power" on the Chessboard

This rising, as I was diving into some historical research and doing my usual deep work of self-discovery, a realization hit me. I started thinking about the game of chess—not just as a pastime, but as a metaphor for power, roles, and the systems we've inherited without question.

On the surface, chess is about strategy, hierarchy, and dominance. And within this structure, the King is considered the most important piece. But... is he really?

Let’s think about this.

The King barely moves. He stays protected. Sheltered. His movements are limited. Meanwhile, it’s the Queen who moves across the board with power, precision, and range. She holds down the front lines, makes the boldest plays, and adapts with unmatched fluidity. She’s the powerhouse. So why is the King still considered the most important piece?

That question stirred something deeper in me. Because it mirrors a societal pattern we’ve been sold for generations: a system where male authority is centered, even when it’s often dependent on the insight, labor, and divine wisdom of women.

If we take this metaphor further, what if the Queen was actually the central force all along? What if we’ve been taught to believe the King holds the highest value just because that’s the story that’s been passed down? When a Queen is tapped into her divine power, the only other force she needs to truly amplify it is the presence of other powerful women. Together, they create an unshakable network—self-sustaining, intuitive, and strategic.

And in that vision, notice how men aren’t even required to maintain the flow of power? Now don’t get me wrong—there are absolutely divine masculine energies out there, men who carry their own unique frequency and contribute to balance and growth. But broadly speaking? That kind of alignment is the exception, not the rule.

So then I have to ask: is this just another lie we’ve been told?

In so many areas of life—some big, some subtle—these narratives have been passed on without challenge. I’m learning that the journey back to truth requires radical curiosity. You have to question everything. Nothing is off-limits. Not even the games we’ve been playing since childhood.

The chessboard is just one example. But it's also a mirror. It reflects a deeper truth about how power is structured, and who we’ve been conditioned to believe holds it.

It’s time we flipped the board.

Black Women + Girls: Sis, It May Be That Religion

Now before you go judging, ask yourself—are you open to a new perspective? If the answer is no, this may not be the post for you. However, if you have the courage to be open to another perspective that brings a different point of view you may not have considered—one that could potentially spark a light within, to probe for more information beyond this post—then keep reading.

Let me first start by letting you know a bit about myself. I, too, began in the church—raised in it from a very young age. I had a great-grandmother who also owned a church. So I know about church life: apostolic, non-denominational, and COGIC. I was heavily forced into going—into constant attendance, obedience, and everything in between. It wasn’t until I began to choose this way of attendance that things shifted. Even after leaving home, I continued to go to church up until my early 30s. And then I left—not because something happened to me—but because I began to see it for what it was: control.

I began to see the system and how the church actually functions. I’d have to return to my childhood to recall when the questions first began for me—quietly. One day, I remember sitting and watching TV when coverage about the Bible came on. I saw nothing but white men on TV discussing the Bible in this ego-driven, boisterous nature—talking about how theydecoded and discovered the Bible and how they put it together. I remember thinking: white men? Hmm.

I didn’t know that moment would later lead me to explore deeper truths—and ask even more questions. How is it that we’re supposed to believe they got it right? Why are we assuming this book they claim to have assembled is accurate? Who are the Black people fact-checking them? Why are so many Black people more committed to the Bible and the church than white people?

Since when have white people ever given Black people anything that was fair, just, or truly helpful? That includes churches. That’s when I really began to go deeper. How is it that something so unquestionably accessible—with churches on every corner—is the only thing that really sees great success in Black communities? My conclusion? Control. Church and government are one and the same.

Think about it—churches run off the free labor of Black women and girls, under the guise of “doing the right thing” and “blessings” based on fear and control. Women are the lifeline of churches. Those tithes and offerings being brought in? And conveniently, those in power are able to profit and live quite comfortably. Miss a few Sundays, and suddenly I’ve heard stories of letters being sent and people being harassed to “pay up”—much like bill collectors.

These days, especially now, churches use women to do the dirty work—the heavy lifting—while some man at the top sits, collects, lives well, and plays god… all while keeping the manipulative game going. Do you really believe these men are living with true integrity? Sure, there are exceptions—but they’re rare. (And please don’t go thinking your particular “pastor” is that rare exception.)

Ask yourself—how do they act when there’s scandal? Can you truly say you know the character of these men? Women in the church are essentially programmed to throw each other under the bus just for the sake of acceptance or approval from pastors. Now let’s think deeper—if these men are as “stand-up” as they claim to be, who are they looking up to? Who do they surround themselves with?

In a society that provides very little positive influence for men to emulate—who are they modeling themselves after? Often, the men who truly possess integrity aren’t found in churches.

Let’s go a step further: how many men—pastors included—with churches on every corner are actually making a difference beyond just talk? Who’s actually building and transforming communities? Can we be honest and transparent about that?

But here’s what really got me: when I left the church, I found more peace. More abundance. And when I asked others about this, I was met with silence and deflection.

Many times, Black women can’t understand why certain things aren’t happening in their lives—why they feel stuck or frustrated about not moving forward. Could it be a spiritual conflict?

It’s wild how you can spend your entire life in church and still never finish reading the Bible. What about the other missing books? Why aren’t they studied alongside the Bible? We know the Bible we have isn’t the full version. So why isn’t it encouraged to read the rest?

These are just some things I’ve been noticing—especially when it comes to Black women and the church.

The Courage to Choose You: A Call for Black Women to Center Themselves

Let’s be real—life is full of distractions. But the deepest work begins with self-actualization. And for Black women and girls, one of the biggest distractions we face is the game of dating—a game that’s had a tight grip on us for far too long.

The truth is, we need the courage to see our desire for men and relationships for exactly what it is: often a distraction dressed up as destiny. What if I told you that as you grow and master the art of detachment, you begin to see men for who they truly are—outside of the fairytales and without the rose-colored glasses? What if I told you that your very life, your purpose, your peace, could depend on this realization?

Many women are out here wondering why they can’t find the work they love. Why they feel stuck in survival mode. Why they haven’t tapped into their highest path. I believe so much of this has to do with our energy drains—the emotional labor we pour into others while neglecting ourselves. When your energy is constantly being pulled, it becomes nearly impossible to focus, build, or dream.

And it’s not just about us individually. It’s about the future of Black women and girls. We are the ones who pay the price when we stay distracted. We are the ones who hold entire communities together, often at the cost of our own well-being. But guess what? We can no longer afford to wait on men to create our future. That mindset is exactly how we ended up here.

This moment demands something different. Black women must lead, not just for ourselves, but for generations to come. That means reclaiming our time, our bodies, our futures. And it starts with healing, with choosing to come into wholeness. Because building something new—a society, a structure, a world—that truly supports and centers us? That’s sacred work. And not every woman will choose this path. But the ones who do? We are the architects of a new reality.

The question becomes: can we do this while still clinging to systems, beliefs, or even people who were never built to protect us?

Let’s talk facts. Are men—in the world’s current state—truly prioritizing the safety of women and children? Are they building infrastructures for the well-being of Black girls? How many are putting money, time, and effort into women-first communities, mental health programs, or protection initiatives? Let’s not lie to ourselves. Most aren’t. And deep down, we already know this.

So why are we still centering men in our life planning, our spiritual growth, and our healing journeys?

I often wonder: if the women of our past had not been forced to carry everyone else, how far would we be now? What if our progress has been delayed because of blind loyalty to patriarchy—a system that exploits our labor, our love, and our leadership while giving crumbs in return? The little progress that has been made often benefited men the most, even when it was Black women who did the organizing, the healing, the building.

This is the line in the sand.

It’s time to move differently. To choose ourselves radically and intentionally. To no longer wait for the world—or for men—to make room for us. Instead, we build our own table. A future that centers Black women’s empowerment, safety, healing, and leadership. A future where Black girls inherit tools, not trauma.

So if you’re reading this and you feel that pull—the ache for something more aligned, more liberated—just know: you’re not alone. And this path? It’s not easy, but it’s necessary. Choose you. Choose the women. Choose the future.

The Way Forward Is Together: Reimagining Success for Black Women

To move forward, we must first look back—with clarity, intention, and wisdom. Our past holds more than pain; it holds patterns, lessons, and undeniable truths. As Black women, it is essential that we study those patterns not just to reflect but to respond. The events of the past should become our stepping stones—not stumbling blocks. They offer the blueprint for building a future where Black women and girls are not just surviving but thriving.

We cannot afford to believe the lie that only one of us can win. It can’t be “just one.” It must be all of us. Our liberation, safety, and success are collective. The way we come together, the way we build community, and the way we lay a foundation for the next generation—it matters deeply. We are not meant to walk this journey alone. The strength, power, and genius of Black women lies in our ability to gather, unite, and move with intention toward a greater vision.

Why Individual Success Isn’t Enough Anymore

This is about more than entrepreneurship or another surface-level success story. This is about the preservation and protection of Black women and girls—our humanity, our healing, and our future. True success cannot be measured by how far one of us can go alone, especially if the majority of us are still struggling. When I think about the traditional idea of “making it,” I have to ask myself: at what cost? Who is left behind in the process?

I’ve come to realize that success as it has been defined by mainstream systems is often illusionary. It praises individual gain while ignoring communal loss. But what kind of “win” is it if I’m the only one at the table? I don’t want that. I want a life that reflects shared wins, collective progress, and sisterhood. I want to grow in purpose and prosperity with other like-minded Black women who are also doing the work, healing, dreaming, and building.

We must move beyond self-serving models. We must reject the scarcity mindset that tells us only one of us can thrive at a time. That mentality has no place in the new world we’re creating. We must instead choose to tap into our individual power and align that power with purpose—a purpose that includes and uplifts others.

This isn’t just about business. This is about rebuilding systems, reclaiming our narratives, and reshaping the world for those who come after us. It’s about anchoring in our truth and using our voices, our visions, and our values to lead the way.

The way forward is together.

The Future Is Black Women

It’s clear to me. Even looking at the current state of the world here in 2025, there’s a constant call for Black women to step in—to support the causes of everyone else. What that tells me is this:

1. Black women, by and large, are the only ones truly capable.

2. No one else really wants to do it.

3. Black women are not only fit but highly effective at creating the change the world says it wants to see.

Black women + power go together real bad. It’s been a long-overdue journey to return to ourselves—but we are well on our way. Black women are the blueprint. So of course, we’re returning to the "drawing board"—not to save the world, but to tap into Source and redesign the systems we’ve long been excluded from. Only this time, it’s different.

Black women are turning inward. We’re centering self in a way we hadn’t in the past. We’re using our power to benefit ourselves—first—before anyone else. Because we now understand, clearly, what happens when we become the resource for everyone else: we are exploited. Taken for granted. Our ideas are stolen, monetized, and profited from—only to leave us with nothing in return.

Our spiritual and physical gifts have been used and abused, usually for the benefit of some white man—or someone who doesn’t look like us—who co-opts our genius to line their own pockets.

Black women have learned this lesson. And we’re moving accordingly.

We are creating a future that supports us as the creators. A future that centers us—first. As it was divinely ordered.

The world is shifting. Things are changing. The future is female—but specifically, it's Black Women leading the charge. That only makes sense. We’re often the only demographic with the lived experience to see the entire "board"—how systems intersect, how they harm, and where the gaps lie.

Even now, while the world panics, I can speak for myself as a Black woman: I am not afraid. Where others see chaos, I see opportunity. I see the opportunity for a better future.

And honestly? We’ve been in training this whole time. Many of us have been called to leadership—formally and informally. We are the very “independence” the world keeps talking about. We’ve never been dependent on a system that was never built for us. So it’s no surprise that those who benefitted from that system are now panicking at the loss of their comforts. What they failed to realize is that those comforts came with fine print: no guarantees.

This system was always going to turn on them—just like it did us. The difference? We’ve never had the luxury of comfort. We were forged in discomfort. And the system made a mistake: it underestimated the very group it tried to keep at the bottom.

We are brilliant. We are powerful. We are visionary.
And now? We are rising.

Black women are the future. The world as we knew it is over—and a new world is being born. One that we are leading.

You’re In Danger: Black Women + Girls in The Workplace

It’s something from both personal experience and observation that I have come to understand. Black women, we do not belong in corporate workplaces. I believe this is also spiritual to some degree—that this is true. It’s in every way much like throwing ourselves to the wolves by entering those places, only to turn around and then have our younger girls be “trained” to assimilate and enter said places without any protection. No. The buck stops with me. This has long been my journey—to help support creating safe workplaces for Black women and girls through my businesses. I want to change the standard for women and girls coming up, so that we too deserve to be heard and protected. Doing this means doing things differently, expanding both the approach and how we decide to essentially do business from the inside out.

I remember when I began putting the pieces together. I remember thinking about how Black girls are forced into assimilating into a system that literally doesn’t offer us any protections in return. Instead, our ideas are stolen, our creativity—again, stolen—only to be used and profited from by other non-Black coworkers, leaders, and businesses. I also have to consider the fact that most of us are being pushed out of the corporate system in droves, not to mention the many bad experiences we’ve all either personally had or know someone who has. I had to take a step back and realize, Wait, something is happening here. There’s a “reason,” and nothing, I believe, is merely by chance. Where Black women are suffering job losses, could it be that we need a new perspective on how and the way in which we work? Specifically, one being that we shouldn’t be working for that system? That, with every job loss, spiritually, we are being provided an opportunity to choose a new way, a different way?

I will say this: the most growth, the most healing I’ve ever experienced, has been in the past three years, when I was able to walk away from the corporate world for good. I even now see how it was part of my creative block, and the only way to escape that corporate monster was to walk away and trust. Now, does that mean this is for everyone? No. However, I will say that because of the lack of stability any job can provide, we should be working together to create and generate money together. What I mean is, I understand that every Black woman may not be an entrepreneur or even want to be, but could essentially contribute in support of one in some way—whether it’s working within a company or supporting in some other way. This is about building not just for ourselves but for the future of our Black girls.

Why continue to allow our Black girls—and even ourselves—to be exposed to the corporate world of abuse? Instead, why not offer women and girls another option, where Black women and girls can thrive through not only gatekeeping our own creativity but also our economic power?