The Courage to Choose You: A Call for Black Women to Center Themselves

Let’s be real—life is full of distractions. But the deepest work begins with self-actualization. And for Black women and girls, one of the biggest distractions we face is the game of dating—a game that’s had a tight grip on us for far too long.

The truth is, we need the courage to see our desire for men and relationships for exactly what it is: often a distraction dressed up as destiny. What if I told you that as you grow and master the art of detachment, you begin to see men for who they truly are—outside of the fairytales and without the rose-colored glasses? What if I told you that your very life, your purpose, your peace, could depend on this realization?

Many women are out here wondering why they can’t find the work they love. Why they feel stuck in survival mode. Why they haven’t tapped into their highest path. I believe so much of this has to do with our energy drains—the emotional labor we pour into others while neglecting ourselves. When your energy is constantly being pulled, it becomes nearly impossible to focus, build, or dream.

And it’s not just about us individually. It’s about the future of Black women and girls. We are the ones who pay the price when we stay distracted. We are the ones who hold entire communities together, often at the cost of our own well-being. But guess what? We can no longer afford to wait on men to create our future. That mindset is exactly how we ended up here.

This moment demands something different. Black women must lead, not just for ourselves, but for generations to come. That means reclaiming our time, our bodies, our futures. And it starts with healing, with choosing to come into wholeness. Because building something new—a society, a structure, a world—that truly supports and centers us? That’s sacred work. And not every woman will choose this path. But the ones who do? We are the architects of a new reality.

The question becomes: can we do this while still clinging to systems, beliefs, or even people who were never built to protect us?

Let’s talk facts. Are men—in the world’s current state—truly prioritizing the safety of women and children? Are they building infrastructures for the well-being of Black girls? How many are putting money, time, and effort into women-first communities, mental health programs, or protection initiatives? Let’s not lie to ourselves. Most aren’t. And deep down, we already know this.

So why are we still centering men in our life planning, our spiritual growth, and our healing journeys?

I often wonder: if the women of our past had not been forced to carry everyone else, how far would we be now? What if our progress has been delayed because of blind loyalty to patriarchy—a system that exploits our labor, our love, and our leadership while giving crumbs in return? The little progress that has been made often benefited men the most, even when it was Black women who did the organizing, the healing, the building.

This is the line in the sand.

It’s time to move differently. To choose ourselves radically and intentionally. To no longer wait for the world—or for men—to make room for us. Instead, we build our own table. A future that centers Black women’s empowerment, safety, healing, and leadership. A future where Black girls inherit tools, not trauma.

So if you’re reading this and you feel that pull—the ache for something more aligned, more liberated—just know: you’re not alone. And this path? It’s not easy, but it’s necessary. Choose you. Choose the women. Choose the future.