Put Down The Burdens And Needs Of Everyone Else—and FOCUS ON YOU.

I’m so over the merry-go-round of relationships and marriage conversations.

I’m hoping Black women and girls truly get to a point where we collectively see how harmful and paralyzing this obsession is. From the fantasies to the fairytale movies—sis, with love, let it go. Find a way to question and get to the root of what you desire. This life promises none of us anything, let alone a “forever partner.”

I dare to ask: are you not seeing how even the most successful women are facing the same exact things the average woman deals with when it comes to men?

Do you not see the parallels in both experiences? Beyoncé herself was cheated on. Now ask yourself—what makes you any different?

Women and girls have been placed at such a disadvantage—a dangerous disadvantage—in the dating game.
Let me take it further and use a basketball analogy.

Some women were coached before they ever stepped into the gym. Those with attentive parents—especially fathers—came in with knowledge and confidence, already understanding the plays and how the game works. But the majority? They never had that conditioning. They walked into the gym trying to figure it out on the fly. Meanwhile, the men? They’ve been training for this game since boyhood.

Even women with preconditioning are up against a flood of women who came in with nothing but fairytales and hope. And men are out here running the game, winning through strategy and manipulation—taking advantage of women who have no clue about male nature or what’s really being played.

You’ve got women still playing, being coached from the sidelines by girlfriends. Then there’s another group—who starts studying the game, hoping to improve their odds. Some of them return to the manuals and try again. Others? They liberate themselves entirely by walking away and choosing not to play. That was my play.

Through personal research, experience, and hard truth—I realized the game was never built for me. It's exhausting. And even if you play well, there’s still no guarantee you’ll win.

We’ve been the target—constantly hit from every angle. The music, the media, the male gaze—all keeping us obsessed with being with someone else instead of ourselves.

Ways to Start Doing the Work:

TURN OFF THE MUSIC.

This might sound like a reach, but try it for 30 days and watch what happens. The music keeps you in the fantasy. It feeds the delusion that you’re "different" or "special"—that somehow, you’ll choose better than the next woman. Sis... you won’t. The game is deeply rigged.

Yes, I believe there are a few good men who don’t subscribe to the games—but that still doesn’t mean you should stay in it hoping to find one. Ask yourself: how many women believe that same thing? What makes you any more "special" than they are?

You could be Beyoncé, and it still wouldn’t be enough.
Too many women are lost in the dream of a man and family, without ever questioning the true nature of men. It’s scary, but if you don’t break the spell, you’ll never see it.

Most of y’all are walking through a dark alley of predators with rose-colored glasses on.
Meanwhile, women like me—who already crushed our glasses—are yelling to warn you.
But only YOU can take the glasses off.

LET GO OF THE WHAT-IFS AND CENTER YOURSELF.

Let go of the dangling carrot that keeps you on dating apps, wasting time.
I’m not saying you can’t do anything—I’m saying do everything without thinking you need male energy beside you.

Many women can’t even reach their full potential because they’re chasing a man with “one eye open,” operating from desperation.

Ask yourself: who told you a man was guaranteed in this lifetime? No one.

Nothing is promised.

What if your path is about self-actualization? What if your purpose is greater than partnership? That’s why it’s so important we turn our minds back on and question everything.

Speaking for myself, the more I’ve walked my own journey of self-actualization, the more I’ve realized this:
Everything you need—and everything you’ve ever truly desired—is already within you.

There’s nothing outside of you that’s above you.

FIX THAT NEED FOR A MAN.

How?
Learn to ground yourself. Have the courage to face the truth about male nature.
Break the damn glasses.

Have the guts to hear the hard truths.
Study men the way you’d study for a job or a research project. Learn who they are, not what they say. Sit with the facts. Let the facts challenge your beliefs.

Why do so many women reject the truth?
Because they prioritize fantasy and hope over facts.
They choose the illusion over the data.
They want to feel “special” in a rigged game—where no one is exempt.

BUT I CAN HEAL WHILE HAVING A MAN TOO…

Many women say this. But I’ve noticed—there’s always a ceiling to the growth. The healing has limits because you’re still tied to a +1 or children. That’s not to say it’s impossible, but let’s be real—it’s slower.

And I’m not here to knock women with families. We’re all on our own unique journeys.
There’s no one way to the truth. 

EVERYONE DOESN’T NEED A MAN—AND THAT’S NOT A BAD THING.

This is the part many women don’t want to hear: A man is not for everyone.
And no, this isn’t about being a lesbian either.

Some of us are here on greater missions—and a man may never bring the fulfillment you think he will. Or not in the timeframe you seek. Some of us are more powerful standing fully in our womanness—alone or with other women. 

Let this land. Let this free you.
You don’t need to play a game that was never built for you.
The path back to yourself is the most revolutionary thing you could ever choose. Its the key. Nothing outside of you will fullfill you. The peace you seek, the happiness you desire - It all resides within you.

Xo