Self-Preservation or Self-Betrayal? Decoding the Push for Black Women–White Men Unions

 

Black women love to say they know when their being played, but do you really? 

Do you all not find it odd — the propaganda around Black women pairing with the oppressor?
To me, it reads like self-preservation through proximity to power — aligning with the most dominant demographic on the planet because deep down, they know they’re the weaker link, facing the potential of extinction.

And yet… now we’re supposed to see the oppressor as a mate?
Yes, there are exceptions — but let’s be real: why aren’t we treating those exceptions as the .00000001% they are? Surely it’s not as common as they’d have us believe. Still, the visibility is everywhere: content creators and public figures flaunting “glow-ups” by way of white men, as if their magic only shines once it’s been “validated” by whiteness.

It’s not amiss. They are seeking asylum in our energy. And on a deeper level, they’re seeking absolution for the atrocities of their ancestors — without doing the work to atone.

We fought, bled, and resisted for generations. Our ancestors endured horrors at their hands. And now we’re supposed to invite them into our bedrooms? No. I want us, as Black women, to normalize challenging these dynamics — because this is just one of many ways they’ve learned to infiltrate our spaces.

Ask yourself:

• Is this love, or is it performative?

• Is this relationship truly advancing you and our people, or is it strategically neutralizing you?

• Are you having real conversations about liberation, or playing your role by ignoring what’s happening around you?

It’s the age-old truth: “Talking Black while sleeping white.” Many leaders, past and present, have done exactly that. How does that serve our progress? It doesn’t — it keeps us tethered.

And let’s kill the fairytale: Love is not “just love” when power is involved. You may see romance; they may see strategy. Do you share the same lived reality? Do they materially invest in your community, in your family? Will they stand in the line of fire when their people come calling? Or is their “support” just paying bills and serving word salad about equality?

We have to wake up to who these people truly are. There’s a time and a place for union — can you honestly say this is that time?
The “future” they keep selling you is happening right now. And no matter if you marry them, you will never be one of them. You are, in essence, superior. Act like it.