Black Women & Girls lets Step Beyond the Loop: The Audacity to Think for Ourselves

This rising, I experienced something undeniable—a clarity that cut through the noise. I listened to a panel of powerful women who weren’t just talking solutions—they were the solutions. And in that moment, I realized something that’s been whispering to me for years:

There is a loop—a spiritual, emotional, and systemic cycle—designed to keep women, especially Black women, stuck. Stuck performing. Stuck overgiving. Stuck being available to everything but our own expansion.

And here’s the wild part: men benefit when we stay in that loop.

🔴 They benefit when we’re tired.
🔴 They benefit when we’re distracted.
🔴 They benefit when we think we need them to define our worth, value, or destiny.

But what happens when a woman says:

“No more.”

What happens when she limits access to her energy—not out of pain, but out of power?

The Liberation in Limiting Access

Too often, we mistake visibility for freedom. We think showing up in every room, being everything to everyone, and being seen by a man equals success. But true liberation starts in the invisible—in the quiet choice to pull our energy back and redirect it inward.

When women, especially Black women, choose to withdraw from over-functioning, from codependent connections, from trying to prove we’re “worthy”—we begin to see clearly. That’s when the system gets shaky.

Why? Because we are the system.

✨  We are the engine.
✨  We are the architects.
✨  We are the law.

Radical Thought is Sacred Work

To even entertain a different way of living—one not centered around men, trauma, or societal approval—is radical. And rare.

But we need more women entertaining the idea that:

✨ You don’t have to earn rest.

✨ You don’t have to be palatable to be powerful.

✨ You don’t have to wait for permission to lead.

✨ You can write new laws—not just live under the old ones.

It takes audacity to shift from “surviving” to “self-authoring.” It takes imagination to design a world rooted in our needs, our healing, our rhythms.

That’s the kind of radical thought that births real change.

We Are the Blueprint

Everything around us is a remix of what women, especially Melanated women, created. And yet we’ve been taught to outsource our power, our decisions, our very thoughts. That ends now.

Let this post be an invitation—and a provocation.

If you're a woman who feels like you've been looping—emotionally, spiritually, in relationships, in work—ask yourself:

✨ What am I giving my energy to that no longer gives back?

✨ What truth have I been afraid to think?

✨ Who benefits from me staying small?

And then: choose differently.

Audacity Is the Assignment

We’ve written laws before. We’ve led revolutions before.
Now is the time to do it again—but this time for ourselves first.

This time, we write the blueprint with:

✨  Our rest at the center

✨  Our joy as the foundation

✨  Our spiritual authority guiding every step

We are not here to just inspire conversation.
We are here to shift the culture.

Let’s stop rehearsing empowerment and start embodying evolution.

Put Down The Burdens And Needs Of Everyone Else—and FOCUS ON YOU.

I’m so over the merry-go-round of relationships and marriage conversations.

I’m hoping Black women and girls truly get to a point where we collectively see how harmful and paralyzing this obsession is. From the fantasies to the fairytale movies—sis, with love, let it go. Find a way to question and get to the root of what you desire. This life promises none of us anything, let alone a “forever partner.”

I dare to ask: are you not seeing how even the most successful women are facing the same exact things the average woman deals with when it comes to men?

Do you not see the parallels in both experiences? Beyoncé herself was cheated on. Now ask yourself—what makes you any different?

Women and girls have been placed at such a disadvantage—a dangerous disadvantage—in the dating game.
Let me take it further and use a basketball analogy.

Some women were coached before they ever stepped into the gym. Those with attentive parents—especially fathers—came in with knowledge and confidence, already understanding the plays and how the game works. But the majority? They never had that conditioning. They walked into the gym trying to figure it out on the fly. Meanwhile, the men? They’ve been training for this game since boyhood.

Even women with preconditioning are up against a flood of women who came in with nothing but fairytales and hope. And men are out here running the game, winning through strategy and manipulation—taking advantage of women who have no clue about male nature or what’s really being played.

You’ve got women still playing, being coached from the sidelines by girlfriends. Then there’s another group—who starts studying the game, hoping to improve their odds. Some of them return to the manuals and try again. Others? They liberate themselves entirely by walking away and choosing not to play. That was my play.

Through personal research, experience, and hard truth—I realized the game was never built for me. It's exhausting. And even if you play well, there’s still no guarantee you’ll win.

We’ve been the target—constantly hit from every angle. The music, the media, the male gaze—all keeping us obsessed with being with someone else instead of ourselves.

Ways to Start Doing the Work:

TURN OFF THE MUSIC.

This might sound like a reach, but try it for 30 days and watch what happens. The music keeps you in the fantasy. It feeds the delusion that you’re "different" or "special"—that somehow, you’ll choose better than the next woman. Sis... you won’t. The game is deeply rigged.

Yes, I believe there are a few good men who don’t subscribe to the games—but that still doesn’t mean you should stay in it hoping to find one. Ask yourself: how many women believe that same thing? What makes you any more "special" than they are?

You could be Beyoncé, and it still wouldn’t be enough.
Too many women are lost in the dream of a man and family, without ever questioning the true nature of men. It’s scary, but if you don’t break the spell, you’ll never see it.

Most of y’all are walking through a dark alley of predators with rose-colored glasses on.
Meanwhile, women like me—who already crushed our glasses—are yelling to warn you.
But only YOU can take the glasses off.

LET GO OF THE WHAT-IFS AND CENTER YOURSELF.

Let go of the dangling carrot that keeps you on dating apps, wasting time.
I’m not saying you can’t do anything—I’m saying do everything without thinking you need male energy beside you.

Many women can’t even reach their full potential because they’re chasing a man with “one eye open,” operating from desperation.

Ask yourself: who told you a man was guaranteed in this lifetime? No one.

Nothing is promised.

What if your path is about self-actualization? What if your purpose is greater than partnership? That’s why it’s so important we turn our minds back on and question everything.

Speaking for myself, the more I’ve walked my own journey of self-actualization, the more I’ve realized this:
Everything you need—and everything you’ve ever truly desired—is already within you.

There’s nothing outside of you that’s above you.

FIX THAT NEED FOR A MAN.

How?
Learn to ground yourself. Have the courage to face the truth about male nature.
Break the damn glasses.

Have the guts to hear the hard truths.
Study men the way you’d study for a job or a research project. Learn who they are, not what they say. Sit with the facts. Let the facts challenge your beliefs.

Why do so many women reject the truth?
Because they prioritize fantasy and hope over facts.
They choose the illusion over the data.
They want to feel “special” in a rigged game—where no one is exempt.

BUT I CAN HEAL WHILE HAVING A MAN TOO…

Many women say this. But I’ve noticed—there’s always a ceiling to the growth. The healing has limits because you’re still tied to a +1 or children. That’s not to say it’s impossible, but let’s be real—it’s slower.

And I’m not here to knock women with families. We’re all on our own unique journeys.
There’s no one way to the truth. 

EVERYONE DOESN’T NEED A MAN—AND THAT’S NOT A BAD THING.

This is the part many women don’t want to hear: A man is not for everyone.
And no, this isn’t about being a lesbian either.

Some of us are here on greater missions—and a man may never bring the fulfillment you think he will. Or not in the timeframe you seek. Some of us are more powerful standing fully in our womanness—alone or with other women. 

Let this land. Let this free you.
You don’t need to play a game that was never built for you.
The path back to yourself is the most revolutionary thing you could ever choose. Its the key. Nothing outside of you will fullfill you. The peace you seek, the happiness you desire - It all resides within you.

Xo

The Lie of the "King’s Power" on the Chessboard

This rising, as I was diving into some historical research and doing my usual deep work of self-discovery, a realization hit me. I started thinking about the game of chess—not just as a pastime, but as a metaphor for power, roles, and the systems we've inherited without question.

On the surface, chess is about strategy, hierarchy, and dominance. And within this structure, the King is considered the most important piece. But... is he really?

Let’s think about this.

The King barely moves. He stays protected. Sheltered. His movements are limited. Meanwhile, it’s the Queen who moves across the board with power, precision, and range. She holds down the front lines, makes the boldest plays, and adapts with unmatched fluidity. She’s the powerhouse. So why is the King still considered the most important piece?

That question stirred something deeper in me. Because it mirrors a societal pattern we’ve been sold for generations: a system where male authority is centered, even when it’s often dependent on the insight, labor, and divine wisdom of women.

If we take this metaphor further, what if the Queen was actually the central force all along? What if we’ve been taught to believe the King holds the highest value just because that’s the story that’s been passed down? When a Queen is tapped into her divine power, the only other force she needs to truly amplify it is the presence of other powerful women. Together, they create an unshakable network—self-sustaining, intuitive, and strategic.

And in that vision, notice how men aren’t even required to maintain the flow of power? Now don’t get me wrong—there are absolutely divine masculine energies out there, men who carry their own unique frequency and contribute to balance and growth. But broadly speaking? That kind of alignment is the exception, not the rule.

So then I have to ask: is this just another lie we’ve been told?

In so many areas of life—some big, some subtle—these narratives have been passed on without challenge. I’m learning that the journey back to truth requires radical curiosity. You have to question everything. Nothing is off-limits. Not even the games we’ve been playing since childhood.

The chessboard is just one example. But it's also a mirror. It reflects a deeper truth about how power is structured, and who we’ve been conditioned to believe holds it.

It’s time we flipped the board.

Black Women + Girls: Sis, It May Be That Religion

Now before you go judging, ask yourself—are you open to a new perspective? If the answer is no, this may not be the post for you. However, if you have the courage to be open to another perspective that brings a different point of view you may not have considered—one that could potentially spark a light within, to probe for more information beyond this post—then keep reading.

Let me first start by letting you know a bit about myself. I, too, began in the church—raised in it from a very young age. I had a great-grandmother who also owned a church. So I know about church life: apostolic, non-denominational, and COGIC. I was heavily forced into going—into constant attendance, obedience, and everything in between. It wasn’t until I began to choose this way of attendance that things shifted. Even after leaving home, I continued to go to church up until my early 30s. And then I left—not because something happened to me—but because I began to see it for what it was: control.

I began to see the system and how the church actually functions. I’d have to return to my childhood to recall when the questions first began for me—quietly. One day, I remember sitting and watching TV when coverage about the Bible came on. I saw nothing but white men on TV discussing the Bible in this ego-driven, boisterous nature—talking about how theydecoded and discovered the Bible and how they put it together. I remember thinking: white men? Hmm.

I didn’t know that moment would later lead me to explore deeper truths—and ask even more questions. How is it that we’re supposed to believe they got it right? Why are we assuming this book they claim to have assembled is accurate? Who are the Black people fact-checking them? Why are so many Black people more committed to the Bible and the church than white people?

Since when have white people ever given Black people anything that was fair, just, or truly helpful? That includes churches. That’s when I really began to go deeper. How is it that something so unquestionably accessible—with churches on every corner—is the only thing that really sees great success in Black communities? My conclusion? Control. Church and government are one and the same.

Think about it—churches run off the free labor of Black women and girls, under the guise of “doing the right thing” and “blessings” based on fear and control. Women are the lifeline of churches. Those tithes and offerings being brought in? And conveniently, those in power are able to profit and live quite comfortably. Miss a few Sundays, and suddenly I’ve heard stories of letters being sent and people being harassed to “pay up”—much like bill collectors.

These days, especially now, churches use women to do the dirty work—the heavy lifting—while some man at the top sits, collects, lives well, and plays god… all while keeping the manipulative game going. Do you really believe these men are living with true integrity? Sure, there are exceptions—but they’re rare. (And please don’t go thinking your particular “pastor” is that rare exception.)

Ask yourself—how do they act when there’s scandal? Can you truly say you know the character of these men? Women in the church are essentially programmed to throw each other under the bus just for the sake of acceptance or approval from pastors. Now let’s think deeper—if these men are as “stand-up” as they claim to be, who are they looking up to? Who do they surround themselves with?

In a society that provides very little positive influence for men to emulate—who are they modeling themselves after? Often, the men who truly possess integrity aren’t found in churches.

Let’s go a step further: how many men—pastors included—with churches on every corner are actually making a difference beyond just talk? Who’s actually building and transforming communities? Can we be honest and transparent about that?

But here’s what really got me: when I left the church, I found more peace. More abundance. And when I asked others about this, I was met with silence and deflection.

Many times, Black women can’t understand why certain things aren’t happening in their lives—why they feel stuck or frustrated about not moving forward. Could it be a spiritual conflict?

It’s wild how you can spend your entire life in church and still never finish reading the Bible. What about the other missing books? Why aren’t they studied alongside the Bible? We know the Bible we have isn’t the full version. So why isn’t it encouraged to read the rest?

These are just some things I’ve been noticing—especially when it comes to Black women and the church.